A Texas Deer Hunt
By1:00 AM Alarm clock rings
2:00 AM Hunting partner arrives and drags you out of bed.
2:30 AM Throw everything except the kitchen sink in the pickup.
3:00 AM Leave for the Hill Country.
3:15 AM Drive back home and pick up gun.
3:30 AM Drive like heck to get to the lease before daylight.
4:00 AM Set up camp – Forgot the tent.
4:30 AM Head into the woods.
6:05 AM See group of eight deer.
6:06 AM Take aim and squeeze the trigger.
6:07 AM “Click.”
6:08 AM Load gun while watching deer go over the hill.
8:00 AM Head back to camp.
9:00 AM Still looking for camp.
11:00 AM Realize you don’t know where camp is.
Noon Fire gun for help – eat wild berries.
1:15 PM Ran out of bullets. Eight deer come back.
2:20 PM Strange feeling in stomach.
2:30 PM Realize you ate poison berries.
2:45 PM Rescued!
2:55 PM Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped.
4:00 PM Arrive back at Camp.
4:15 PM Leave camp to hunt deer.
4:30 PM Return to camp for bullets. See partners deer.
4:45 PM Load gun – leave camp again.
5:00 PM Empty gun on squirrel that’s bugging you.
6:00 PM Arrive at camp. See deer grazing at camp.
6:01 PM Load gun.
6:02 PM Fire gun.
6:03 PM One dead pickup truck.
6:05 PM Hunting partner arrives at camp dragging deer.
6:06 PM Suppress strong desire to shoot hunting partner.
6:07 PM Fall into fire.
6:10 PM Change clothes. Throw burned ones into fire.
6:15 PM Take pickup, leave partner and his deer in the woods.
6:25 PM Pickup boils over – hole shot in block.
6:26 PM Start walking.
6:30 PM Stumble and fall – drop gun in the mud.
6:35 PM Meet wild boar.
6:36 PM Take aim.
6:37 PM Fire gun. The barrel blows up. Discover that it was plugged with mud.
6:38 PM Climb tree.
9:00 PM Wild boar departs. Wrap gun around tree.
Midnight Arrive at camp at last!
Next Day Slowly tear hunting license into little pieces, place in envelope, and mail to game warden.
